(:(Birthday):)

Well my birthday 12/12. Jacob and Andrew both told me happy b-day,, on facebook.. It hurts that I cannot talk to either on of them! Every time I see them its like that day when I told them I wouldn't bother them any more. Okay so since I lat wrote my blog my little half-sister's mother died! She's dead never coming back. She had been on drugs and an alcoholic really bad. She had a seizure and she died. It's so sad my father could even eat.  It was so hard seeing my dad cry like that. Okay so I am fasting from meat,, a church thing,, I have been since last July,, for my family is what imm praying for. And when this happened at first I thought it was my fault,, but I have realize that it was just a bit of the answer that God is sending me. Now my sister is 2 and I just turned 14. Its hard every now and then but I am trying to stay strong. That's about it.

My Life?

Hey,,, right now my life is,, well its a lot of things mostly just teenage stuff that never goes away.. I did a lot of things imm not proud of but don't we all.. I have only one true friend i can really count on to be there every time i need them.. I used to have a great guy friend, Jacob, and he knew me better than everyone but his girlfriend didn't like it that i was talking to him so I had to make the decision to try to erase him from my life as much as possible.. Then another guy, Andrew, that i've known for a long time told me he was going to step up and take his place he didn't like it that i am always depressed (he also suffers from depression and bi-polar).. we talk for a while but he soon got interested in another girl i was so happy for him until it started to get in the way of me getting to talk to him he basically only talked to me when i was at church.. It crushed me all over again I fell into temptation for the second time and did more stuff that i am not proud of.. I didn't do it long I started to stabilize my self in church.. Later as if being crushed twice wasn't enough my friend, Richard, wants me to go out with him something that I feel will ruin our friendship,, and also its because he's a player and if i get my feelings involved i could know a very bad outcome.. My friend that I call my sister was in love with him at one point and it would hurt not only me but hurt her too if I were to do this it is very complicated situation.. And now imm up to date with today.. he says he loves me and he told me I love you,, and I loved him too but I just couldn't say it back to him,, but on this night I am writing this his very close friend said look me in the eyes and tell me you love her tell me that all this player stuff is over and she's the one you want to keep and for the third time I was hurt once again.. The only true friend that I have that has been thru more than half of my life with she is Kristin she is 2 years older than me she's been thru it and has helped me out of even the darkest times in my life there is no one I need more than her imm so glad that i have some one like her even in my time of heart break and my emotional times I can still say imm thankful that I have a friend like her to pick me up from my fall.. 

This is 2 months of my life and very emotional ride.